On being "Good Enough."

I have so many thoughts on this subject that it's difficult to know where to begin, honestly. I mean, what is good enough and who gets to decide that and why is that person usually someone other than ourselves? Why do we value other people's opinions over our own?

I think it's time to reclaim good enough. It's time to place some real value in what we think, what I think. I think it's time to do our best, to be our best, acknowledge that we've given our best, and pat ourselves on the back with no regard to whether someone else thinks we've done well enough at whatever it is.

Instead of living our lives overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy, I think it's time to find every reason why are are good enough, why we are worthy... of whatever it is... And completely, totally, and entirely embrace those reasons. Time to live our life with pride in who we are.- You know, once we become the person we were meant to be, like I talked about yesterday.

I am smart enough, pretty enough, kind enough.
I did do a great job.
I do feel this way.
I will uphold these values.
I'm not going to let someone else take away my feelings of self-worth.



But this is like so many other things... Easier said than done.

Today, I'm at church. Funny place to be, considering just yesterday I told you that I'm a pagan, that Christianity does not resonate with me. But I live in the south and I'm in the middle of a custody dispute. I've pulled my children out of school in favor of homeschooling and I've pulled my son out of boy scouts because they're too closed-minded and I worry that the courts will look at everything I am and everything I've done and they'll say I'm ruining my children So I look at it as a learning experience. They're learning about other people's faith and the faith that is most common to the area that they live in. So it's a lesson in theology. It's also a lesson in manners, in social skills. It's a lesson in how to be away from mommy for my youngest. It's a lesson in time management, getting everyone dressed, fed, and here on time. I try to view it as a learning experience and not what it sometimes feels like to me: a lie.

Lying to others is wrong but I've made it no secret, not here, not anywhere, who and what I am. Worse than lying to others is lying to yourself so I've spent a lot of time examining my motives for being here. The main thing is I don't want to feel like I've isolated my children. They enjoy their time here. They have friends here. It doesn't hurt that it gives me time to write.- I don't actually sit in on anything anymore. I found all of the money-talk they were doing to be frustrating so now I sit outside on one of their many almost-comfortable couches and I write until it's time to retrieve my kids.- Who come out happy and smiling and with loads of questions for me and so the learning continues on our drive home and sometimes well into the afternoon.

POB: Continuing the journey of self-discovery, questioning my own inadequacies (spurred on by the too-beautiful woman beside me, how could I possibly be good enough to deserve her?), questioning my motives for the way I'm spending my Sunday morning, making sure I'm not lying to myself.

Love and light.

On becoming the me I was meant to be..

Life is a journey of self-discovery.

I've spent twenty-seven of my twenty-eight years living to meet other's expectations of me. I have completely disregarded myself and it's taken me this long to recognise how unfair that is.

Time is of the essence. Life is fleeting. Live for today. To thine ownself be true.

I wanted so badly to be what they wanted me to be, not for my own sake but for theirs. A little bit at a time, I've discovered that being myself may shock and disappoint some people, the truth of it all hasn't actually killed anyone. I've gained strength from that knowledge.- Literally, (X) didn't give my grandmother a massive coronary, maybe (Y) won't either. Here's hoping.

In being honest with myself, with the world, I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm actually pretty radical.. And that's pretty frowned on down here, in Georgia.

First off, I'm a Pagan. You know what that means. I'm going to Hell. And there's no shortage of people willing to tell me so. The truth is, I tried to be Christian. It simply didn't resonate for me. Coming to Paganism at fifteen was like coming home.- And that was the first attempt at not killing anyone with shock or disappointment. It didn't make my life any easier but it didn't end anyone else's either.

Secondly, I'm a hippy mama. Some of it's sort of traditional hippy stuff like I like The Beatles. I'm all about peace, love, and good times. (I don't, have never, never mean to experiment with recreational drugs. Let's get that straight now.) I'm a cloth-diapering, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, extended-breastfeeding, green-living, homeschooling hippy mama. Crunchy to the core. It's gaining popularity these days but there are still plenty (especially around here) who have no issue making fun of you for it.

Thirdly, I'm a lesbian. Who denied the never-ending attraction to women for most of her life. Who managed to marry a real jerk of a man and sire four kids before finally coming to terms with the fact that I love women. So now, here I am, raising my four kids with the most amazing woman every placed on this earth. I'm so crazy in love with her!

So... maybe it's only three (major) things that I've accepted about myself. (There have been other countless simple things like the need to take scalding hot showers twice a day. They make life better but it's not earth shattering, kill you with the shock type stuff.) But the truth is, those three things have rid my life of negativity almost entirely. Whereas I used to be completely bogged down by my own frustration, depression, and anger (to the point of rage), now those feelings... are nearly non-existent. Now, when they do arise, I'm not overwhelmed by them and they seem to fly right on by.

But the point of this blog (My older readers will remember it as POB or Point of Blog) is to let you know that I'm back... and I'm better than ever. That I mean to start writing again and that I mean for it to be meaningful. That I want to take the overflow of positivity and spread it out all around me. So yeah. Look forward to future posts of happiness and prosperity.

Much love and brightest blessings.